An Exercise in Finding Your Why
Before you make any more big decisions in your life, you should stop and consider allowing time for sitting down and finding your why.
“Walk where your heart leads you, there are no restrictions and no burdens.”
~ GAO XINGJIAN, Nocturnal Wanderer
When people ask me why I’m doing what I’m doing, my first answer is generally why not?
The question kind of baffles me.
Why wouldn’t you want to chase your dreams?
Then I rewind a little and remember how I felt before I found my way. I was lost and confused for such a long time. I moved my way around my company, thinking with each promotion I’d find happiness, and I did for a little while, but then I’d hit the stalemate in that position too and find myself wanting more. I’d work really hard to save and save so I could go on holidays. It seemed like this was the only way to live. It was all I’d ever known. Deep down I knew the 9-5 wasn’t for me but I couldn’t pinpoint my real why.
In my personal life, I’d let myself get so caught up in a particular boy and revolve my life around them when I knew they weren’t right for me. I craved attention and thought if I wasn’t happy in my job, I could find a boy to make me happy in my personal life and things would be better. I felt like the clock was ticking, I was edging closer to my age 30 deadline of being in a stable relationship and settling down. I think I attracted boys that weren’t right for me, because deep down I knew I didn’t actually want that either.
With my friends, I always felt like something was missing. We don’t really have a lot in common. We’ve been through a lot together and I love them to bits and in the past it was ok because we were in the same place – young and wanting to party. Then things started shifting. Some started moving in to the next stage where they’re ready to build houses and families, and some stayed in the partying phase. I found myself not particularly drawn to either of these phases.
The problem was, I didn’t really know what I wanted. I could rattle off a list of hundreds of things I didn’t want in my life but couldn’t tell you what I really wanted.
One day I’d want to travel. The next day I’d want to find a boyfriend and settle down. Earlier this year I decided I wanted to buy an apartment, I figured if I got myself into the property market I’d feel like I’ve achieved something. But something kept holding me back.
I was so confused by what society says I should be doing and what I actually felt I should be doing that I just couldn’t pinpoint what I wanted.
I guess part of me always knew, but maybe I was just too scared to admit it. Scared of disappointing all the people around me. My parents who have worked so hard to build a wonderful life for us. My bosses who had believed in me. My friends who I need to be here for. But what about me?
So many of us spend our lives trying to please others, we’re taught not to be selfish and to treat others the way we want to be treated, but in doing that we end up treating ourselves the worst. Always putting others before us, putting our dreams on hold to keep the peace.
This is why finding your why becomes so important.
Once I decided to stop doing focusing on everyone else and really focus on me, everything changed. I found my why and I found my how.
The law of attraction is a funny thing, those thoughts started to overpower my mind, and suddenly I found what I was looking for.
My why is freedom. My why is travel. My why is experiences. Not holding back. Taking control. Helping others. Doing what I love. Not reporting to a boss. Not waking up to an alarm. Choosing what I want to do and when I want to do it.
My why is being able to soak in other cultures and cuisines, I’m not talking just a taste of it as you rush through on a day trip because you have to squeeze 20 countries into 25 days. I’m talking immersing yourself in a culture and living and breathing it the way they do. Becoming part of their world for a brief moment in time and having genuine experiences. Gaining a deeper understanding of this world, connecting with people on a deeper, spiritual level, living and breathing every moment.
Oh and guess what. I’ve also found a boyfriend that wants all the same things. Attraction laws working at their finest.
So how do you go about finding your why?
For me, it was through a series of personal development books and a self belief intensive. One of my favourite books was Keith Abraham’s “It Starts With Passion” (I share a copy of this in my Facebook group) and another one was Napoleon Hill’s “Think and Grow Rich” (get in touch with me to access your free copy of this one). Highly recommended reading by any successful entrepreneur.
I really had to focus on myself and get involved in goal planning tasks that kept asking the same question over and over. They say it takes asking WHY at least 5 times before you get to the root of the person’s desires. Why not try this yourself? It really works.
Complete a ‘major definite purpose’ goal setting activity. There’s a good example of this in Hill’s book. This type of goal planning is next level. It asks you a lot of questions and if you’re not ready you might actually feel uncomfortable, but this is the best way to actually find out exactly what you want and a great exercise for finding your why.
I also joined Facebook groups (you can join mine here) and started connecting with like-minded people. This is where I discovered the system I’m using today, and every day I’m edging closer to my goals. I now have clarity and a strong sense of direction. I know my why, I know how I’m going to get it, and I know what I need to do to achieve this.
When you know your why and you have clarity in your life, it truly does become incredible.
Want to get inspired – watch this video about a man who quit his job to ride his bike and explore the world. Listen to his why.
Did that resonate with you? I felt like everything he said was right on point and he really gets life and is so inspiring. I’d love to know your thoughts in the comments below.
And I wish you every luck in finding your why. It truly is a wonderful experience.
P.S. If you like what you’ve read feel free to like, comment, or share. Your time reading my post is greatly appreciated. 🙂
**Please note, there are affiliate links in this post. The services I have recommended are the services I personally use and honestly recommend to anyone wishing to start a business of their own. No extra costs are incurred for you; the referral commission simply contributes to bringing you valuable content. The links have changed since the post was originally written as I have now found a service that suits me better, and I believe will be the same for you.